Peter Popoff Miracle Ministries Recap for Oct. 30th 2007
The first in a recurring series of recaps, with commentary, about Peter Popoff’s Miracle Ministry television show which airs in the early mornings on numerous television stations.
Peter Popoff is a well known U.S. televangelist with what is arguably the worst name for a U.S. televangelist and yet the best name for a U.S. adult film star. Popoff became famous in the 80s for his television program where he would preach, heal the terminally ill through spiritual powers, and ask for money; usually in that order. A typical show would have Popoff walk amongst the crowd, picking seemingly random people and revealing personal details like their name or address. He would then reveal the person’s sickness, for example, the inability to walk, and proceed to heal it through the power of God. He proved very popular, and took in large amounts of money through donations to the ministry and other Popoff charities, like aid for the people of the Soviet Union.
In 1987, James Randi, best known for his million dollar paranormal challenge, revealed Popoff as a fraud on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He brought a radio scanner to a Popoff show and found the secret to his powers: an ear-piece with a connection to his wife, Elizabeth Popoff. She would feed her husband all the information she had gather beforehand through detailed questioners from attendees and he would perform for the audience. Peter Popoff’s ministry filed for bankruptcy that same year.
Shortly thereafter, it was also discovered that Popoff had committed fraud on his own charities, taking substantial amounts of money for himself and his wife. On an unrelated note: Peter Popoff currently drives a $100,000 dollar Porsche.
With that out of the way, let’s talk about his current endeavors: miracle spring water. Popoff shills this stuff on his new early morning televangelist infomercial and claims it can cure just about anything. Within the first five minutes, the bottom screen devil-ticker (which c’mon, has never been more appropriately named) claims that the spring water can perform miracles like curing diabetes. Now, unless by “miracle spring water” they mean “insulin” and by “cure” they mean “treat,” it is pretty easy to see they’re talking some miraculous amounts of bullshit.
Anyway, on with the recap:
Location: Richmond, Virginia
The format of the show is very similar to his previous effort. The show opens in a studio, Popoff makes a few grandiose statements, hawks his miracle water, and then segways to footage of himself preaching in an auditorium. Apparently God has given him instructions to give you more free miracle water, but he’ll get to that later in the show.
Popoff’s audience is predominantly Black in this episode. This is ironic of course: one of the transmissions James Randi overheard between Popoff and his wife was about a black woman in the audience. Elizabeth Popoff called the woman fat and a nigger and joked that her husband better no kiss those “nigger lips.” Hopefully you’ve already figured out by now that Popoff and his ministry are terrible, manipulative people.
The first to be healed is an old black woman in a wheelchair. “… God is moving in your body sister. The devil is not going to keep you in this wheelchair,” says Popoff. “God is going to supernaturally take this weight off of you, he is going to supernaturally overhaul your joints, he is going to supernaturally bring your blood pressure down, how many of you believe God can do that?” He continues on with his rather rehearsed sounding platitudes. He quickly places his hand against the woman’s forehead and says a quick prayer. He then instructs the woman to walk around in an effort to “make the devil mad.” Gospel music befitting a southern church plays as the woman takes a victory lap.
The music becomes sombre, Popoff exclaims that someone is suffering from cancer of the liver. That someone is a person watching from home. This is particularly amazing because Popoff’s show isn’t shown live but is prerecorded. So, not only is he about to heal a man with cancer, but he is about to do it without the man knowing until he turns on the television days later. At the same time he heals a man in the audience with the same affliction. Upon being cured, that man also takes a victory lap for some reason.
Next is a testimonial: A woman says that she has been following the instructions in Popoff’s miracle spring water kit. Pure speculation: I think things may have worked out for her. I’m right! Not only does she have good health, but her finances are falling into check! She was apparently flat broke, but thanks to the miracle spring water, she now has over 14 thousand dollars via a check apparently written by God. I shit you not. From the sentence construction presented on the show, she literally just said God wrote her a check for 14 thousand dollars. Seriously.
Does God use those Garfield series checks? You know, the ones with Garfield kicking Odie off a table? I wonder if He routinely sends those checks to starving children across the world in the amount of 0.00 dollars. I’m more than positive God loves dramatic irony.
I’ll summarize the next few healings because, quite frankly, my time is better spent writing terrible Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers slasher/fan-fiction than cracking jokes at people being taken advantage of. Let’s make a game out of this: let’s see how many people are healed:
Woman suffering from pain from an unsuccessful operation: healed! Woman was addicted to crack cocaine: healed! Woman obtains over 84 thousand dollars, somehow! Woman earns 9 thousand dollars from kicking person, who Popoff claimed was blocking her blessings, out of her house. Woman received check for 17 thousand dollars! Another woman received checks totaling 38 thousand dollars!
Where the fuck is all this money coming from? Who is writing these checks? These testimonials are so vague and unconvincing it is amazing that anyone falls for this garbage. What bank does God write his checks from? How come I haven’t heard that one used in any advertising?
“Bank of America: the bank of God.” The commercial writes itself.
Back to the show, which has changed format. It is now presented as a straight-forward infomercial, akin to nearly any other get-rich-quick schemes you see either late at night or early in the morning. Again, more women making testimonials about getting new cars and houses. Why have all these testimonials been so female centric?
Anyway, the new infomercial segment explains how this all works. Apparently, and I promise I am not embellishing any of this, the miracle spring water acts as a biblical point of contact, which builds up your faith. This puts you into the position to receive all that God has for you. Along with the spring water you get a personalized letter from “The Prophet Peter Popoff.” Wait, what was that? The Prophet? We’re just a little past the half way point and things just got serious: Popoff see himself as God’s mouthpiece on earth.
This must be calculated though. The first half of the show tried to draw you in and convince you of the miraculous benefits of this man and his spring water. Now, he is telling you he is the voice of God.
This is the foundation of a cult, just in fast forward. I’ve never seen such a dramatic shift done so nonchalantly, as if the conclusion is evident. Usually these shifts take years to develop, so that any rapport gained is used against the victim to bond the person to the cult, and more importantly, the leader. This is insane.
Anyway, the Prophet’s show gets back on track back at the studio. He does some more one-on-one televangelizing and then segways back to the auditorium. Let’s check back with the scorecard of those healed:
Woman has trouble swallowing food. Popoff touches her head and she falls backwards. She drinks three small sips from a cup of water… she is healed! A family (finally some men up on stage) has been reunited thanks to Popoff! The Prophet is even kind of enough to instruct God to place a blessing on the group! Praise Jesus/Popoff! A man has financial problems and writes the ministry for help. Now, whenever he gets paid for doing a job he gets more than what was originally negotiated! Back to the women; this lady apparently had her house reappraised and has money now. I’m assuming she refinanced her house or something, she doesn’t go into details really. She is the first person in the testimonials to actually say “Prophet Popoff,” though.
After a quick trip back to studio, where Popoff asks those at home to touch their hands to the picture of his hands being sent through the T.V., the show is over. They then play the same infomercial from the middle of the show, in true repetitious infomercial style.
God, I really don’t know how I’m going to recap these shows every week. Assuming that many of the people in the show aren’t planted, there is so much deception and downright dishonesty at foot it is sickening. The people who have life threatening afflictions, like the man with liver cancer, or the woman with unknown pains from an unsuccessful operation, are of course, not really healed. This is the real danger of this con-artist’s scam: people are going to get hurt and maybe even die.
Here is something not gone over in the show: Popoff doesn’t actually send you his spring water. He instead sends a plastic “golden tablet” and “miracle wrist band” with instructions that tell you to send him a check for $28.30 to show your faith in God.
This man is disgusting. Stay tuned for further recaps!
Wikipedia: Peter Popoff
Peter Popoff’s Miracle Ministry
- Rob O’Reilly
