Energy Drink Review: Coolah Energy
Coolah Energy, with its total co-opting of Australian culture, is a drink that arrives about 20 years too late. If it had been released in the 80s, can you imagine how well it would have performed? You could of had such Australian luminaries as Paul Hogan and Yahoo Serious drinking it by the liter in the commercials, drop-kicking a kangaroo into outerspace, and then crooning out, in that delightful brogue, Coolah’s tagline “Energy… from down undah!” Oh the possibilities! The commercials, quite figuratively, write themselves!
Unfortunately, Coolah missed that party boat. Fortunately for us, however, Coolah actually tastes really good. The drink is lemon flavored, with the closest taste approximation being carbonated lemon-lime Gatorade. Don’t let that analogy fool you though, Coolah tastes much more like a soda than the typical watery sports drink. In fact, those who generally hate energy drinks will probably really enjoy this one.
There is a reason for that, I should add. The history of Coolah is one of odd cultural exchanges between the United States and Australia. First, we need to go back to the 70s, when Coca-Cola was producing a drink called Rondo. Ultimately unsuccessful, Rondo was discontinued in the mid 80s but not before it could inspire an Australian soda called Solo. Solo is produced by Cadbury-Schweppes, which owns the Dr. Pepper/Seven Up company, which is the group responsible for producing Coolah, which cites Solo as its inspiration. No, wait, there is more: Coca-Cola is the company currently bottling and manufacturing Coolah, which, in that amazing roundabout way, is derived from their original drink Rondo.
No, this story isn’t over yet! In an odd turn of events, Fox Motion Pictures decided to advertise their movie Idiocracy a year after the DVD release with an energy drink based on the most popular liquid in the movie: Brawndo, “the thirst mutilator.” The inspiration for the movie drink Brawndo came originally from the Coca-Cola beverage Rondo, which was famous for its tagline “The Thirst Crusher!” So, in a twist M. Night Shyamalan himself could not have written, there are currently two unrelated energy drinks on the market which are completely inspired by a failed soft-drink from the late 70s.
Whew, did you get all that?
History aside, Coolah is all around well done. While the Australian iconography on the packaging is a little overwrought, it does succeed in being unique without being downright embarrassing or ethnocentric. The nutritional facts are passable by being relatively low in sodium, but high in sugar, which unfortunately, is derived from high fructose corn syrup. It should also be noted that, despite tasting and drinking like a soda, Coolah has an incredible amount of caffeine. An entire can will give you 150 mg of caffeine, which is about half of what you should limit yourself to in a day. For some perspective, Coca-Cola has a little less than 3 mg of caffeine per ounce, while Coolah has over 9 mg.
Overall rating: Great. Coolah succeeds by being one of the best tasting energy drinks out there.
Further reading:
Website: Coolah Energy; Brawndo
Wikipeida: Solo; Rondo
- Rob O’Reilly
